Being there for them
Being there for them is a booklet for grandparents of children whose parents are not married to each other. It has useful information on many relevant topics some of which are mentioned below.
Legal rights for grandparents:
Access for grandparents
Where a grandparent is not getting access to her/his grandchild s/he may apply to the local District Court for access to the child. There are two parts to this process:
The first application is applying for leave to apply for access which is asking for the court's permission to apply for access. The court, in arriving at a decision at this stage, must always have regard to:
- the applicant's connection with the child
- the risk, if any, of the application disrupting the child's life to the extent that the child would be harmed by the access, and
- the wishes of the child's guardian(s).
If the first stage is successful then the person can apply for access.
Guardianship for grandparents
Under the Guardianship of Infants Act 1964, only parents can be guardians of their children.
Being there for them is for all grandparents of children whose parents are not married to each other. However, it is particularly for grandparents:
a) Whose adult child has an expected pregnancy
Think about how best to support your daughter/son in their decision-making without actually making decisions for them.
You may want to contact one of the pregnancy counselling services listed on www.positiveoptions.ie if your daughter/son makes a decision you have difficulty with and you feel you need support and counselling.
b) Have their adult children and their grandchildren living with them
Think about what you are prepared to offer in terms of time, child-minding and indirect financial support (e.g. food, heat etc). Be realistic about how much time you can devote to caring for your grandchild and make this clear and agree it with your daughter.
If you feel you are being taken for granted and left “holding the baby” for too long, remind your daughter that she is the parent and therefore the one with the main responsibility for the child.
Keep an eye on your other children and do your best to give them the attention they need.
Grandparents can often make it difficult for their grandchildren to have a relationship with their fathers. Remember that both parents are important to children. Don’t make it any harder for the dad than it may already be.
c) Are grandparents of children whose parents are in their teens
Young parents, like other parents, want to be the best parents they can be and their families are very important sources of support for them in achieving this.
The young mother’s mother in particular is central in giving emotional and practical support to the young mother.
The father’s mother can also play a key role in supporting her young son to take up the responsibility of fatherhood. Parents of young men who become fathers can feel disconnected from the pregnancy as the teenage girl and her family are the centre of attention. You may feel the balance of power is very much on the mother’s side and that the mother and her parents have control over your contact with your grandchild.
Get a copy of the Young Parent Survival Guide from Treoir Locall 1890 252 084.
d) Are providing full-time care to their grandchildren
When parents are no longer able to care full-time for their children, grandparents may ‘step in’ to take on the role of main carer of their grandchildren in order to keep them within the family. While this is a full-time commitment, it is an informal arrangement where you have no legal rights in respect of your grandchild.
It is important to recognise that a child may need contact with her/his parents if this is in your grandchild’s best interest. Get a copy of Treoir’s book 'Family Links – Steps and Stages' for hints on how to do this well from www.treoir.ie or Locall 1890 252 084.
If circumstances do not permit this contact, talking to your grandchild about her/his parents and keeping their memory ‘alive’ is very important.
Check out what financial supports are available to you.
Remember how special and important you are to your grandchild, bringing much joy to her/his life.
